Dear Barbara,

     Being intelligent and educated has little to do with how your body reacts automatically to the craziness around you. Your boy friend's behavior is abusive, and living with an abuser is crazy making. One suggestion to keep track of yourself and your living reality is to get a journal [keep it safe] and write.

     Your boy friend gives himself license to just dump his emotions on you when he pleases, refuses to be responsible for his behavior, keeps you off balance, and intimidates you so that your behavior is shaped by your reaction to his outbursts. When you least expect it, he pulls the rug from under you and attacks. This is emotionally abusive behavior.

     As you live with this, you get worn down, and the more worn down you are, the less able to cope. The less you are able to cope, the less confidence you have in yourself, and you lose your voice that should protest what is going on. And then you feel depressed.

     As for antidepressants, although those might help, they are not the whole answer. I cannot urge you enough to find a group, a coach, a therapist who you can work with, one who is familiar with the dynamics of abuse. Words can be as painful as a slap. You do not deserve to live like this.

Life is about joy and growth and spiraling up, not spiraling down. Working with someone will help you look at how you are living and what you really do want in your life. If you email me I can help you.

Judi

If there is any question of safety, please call The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence at (303) 839-1852. They will give you your state's Coalition telephone number.